Blogging this semester wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. At first I wasn't really looking forward to it. Once I understood and decided my topic; it got easier. I got the hang of it fairly quickly and my topic really didn't need a lot of research since it was me writing about my personal experiences. I did, though, have a little trouble with writer's block but I eventually bounced back.

The research I did do was very interesting because not only did it help with my grade but I really did learn a lot from them that helped me get a better picture of what my grandparents are going through. If I hadn't written this blog I wonder if I would have gotten as involved as I am now in asking questions and looking for answers about these mental conditions. Writing this blog made me want to keep getting updated on my grandparents and to know more about what my aunts and uncles wanted to do to help them. It helped me decide what I think could help and I even got to suggest some to my parents. I could tell that they were appreciative that I had in some way helped my dad by listening to his worries and using facts to settle his mind. In a way, writing and explaining my family's situation in this blog has even helped me on a whole new level of dealing with the fact that my grandparents are getting worse. They're becoming weaker and growing more ill and they may not have much time left. By writing it out and showing people, it's made it alot easier to talk about.

In my search to find other blogs like mine with a first person view on taking care of sick family members, I came up short which was a little dissapointing. I thought there would be tons of different people out there with stories to tell that could be similar to mine. Instead, there were just a lot of "How To's" and advice on what someone could do but none of them sounded like they had experienced anything like this firsthand. I know there are plenty of people and families out there who are affected by diseases like dementia, conditions like depression, and just simply by old age or a combination of the three. I really hope my blog shows people that they are not alone. That every family that goes up against something like this has problems, disagreements, and moments of pure uncertainty. But the main message to remember is that these situations also bring them closer together. Because of this, my family gets together more often, we all talk to each other more and for the most part everyone puts forth a big effort for my grandparents for that very reason: time.

The doctors came to a final diagnosis of my grandmother's condition. They say she has Vascular Dementia. There are websites on the causes, signs, symptoms and even treatment. Now that we at last know what we're up against, my family can now just put together a plan of action and hopefully my grandma will be home soon. I don't know what will happen next for sure but I'm still hoping for the best.

On Easter Sunday, one of the family's close friends rented a big van for everyone to go up and visit my grandma for the day. I didn't go because I had to pick up my brother and mom from BWI Airport (they were coming home from my mom's parents' house in Michigan). But I don't think any of my other cousins went either. They also didn't take my grandpa because my grandma has been getting angry at him whenever he visits. So one of his friends from church took him out to visit my grandpa's brother and to see some of his family, which is something he's really been wanting to do for a while now. So it sounded like he had a good Easter.

While my grandpa was out with his friend, my dad, Tommy (the family friend), my uncles and my aunts all went up to visit my grandma in Baltimore. My Dad said once my grandma saw them all she started shaking from the shock of then being there and didn't look so good. But after she rested a bit and the nurses calmed her down she was at least a little happy to see them. She was in a lot of pain, my family was told, I'm guessing due to her arthritis. I thought it was a really nice thing for them to do as siblings (and friends). Maybe by all of them being there and everyone saying how much they love her and miss her and by showering her with hugs and kisses, it might improve her attitude towards the family. But as optimistic as I want to be through this process, I've learned that this sickness has made my grandma incredibly unpredictable so one can only hope.

This past Saturday, I went with my Dad to visit my grandmother at the psych ward in Baltimore. I have to say i've never been to a place like that and I was actually pretty nervous. I don't like seeing the people who live in places like psych wards or nursing homes.

 One reason being that I hate the smells. Between the weird food smells and the smell of sick people, I always want to hold my breath while being in those kinds of places. Secondly, because I just hate seeing older people who aren't able to do anything and seem like they're suffering. For example, the people who can't talk, eat or walk and all they do is sleep and drool. It makes me really uncomfortable to see someone so weak and heavily medicated. All I can think about is the fact that that person is someone's parent, sibling, cousin or best friend and the thought of any of my family or friends in that condition would crush me so I imagine how hard it is for others.

The first thing I noticed about this part of the hospital in Baltimore was that it was SO nice! The lunch rooms, hallways, lobbies and patient rooms were very clean, and had such comfortable furniture to sit on. The colors they used were bright and there was art made by patients and dontated to the hospital by other people hanging on all the walls or sitting in window stills along the hallways. But then again the only psych wards i've seen are the dirty ones portrayed in movies. Though it is good to know they aren't like that (or at least the one my grandma isn't like that)!

Seeing my grandma though was a different story. She looks weaker than ever now. She's lost alot of weight and her hair is becoming more gray and brittle. The second she saw us, she started crying which made my Dad really upset too. Throughout our visit she would randomly just start sobbing so I had to keep talking about random things like my brother and school and work to get her to stop. She even started to mention my grandpa and his women at one point. Some of the strange things the other patients were doing distracted her also.

We were out in the lobby of the wing she was in, when another patient, a tired looking woman in a wheelchair, reached out and grabbed my Dad's pants and said," What size do you wear?". He turned around real fast to look and when she realized she did not know my Dad, she was like,"Sorry I thought you were my husband standing right next to me." She kept mumbling things to herself afterwards, too. Another man kept lifting up his hospital gown but thankfully he had shorts on under it. A shorter woman got out of her seat and started to try to throw her chair and then tried to stand on it but the nurses made her stop. There was another older man who had his hands bandaged (i'm guessing so he wouldn't scratch himself) and his legs were extremely skinny.

I'm really glad I went to see my grandma and even though we were really only there for an hour (you can't stay long or else she starts getting really irritable) and even though she spent most of the time being upset, I know she was glad to see me and my Dad. And even though there really were some odd people there, it made me feel better that I got to see her too. The reason why she was so upset was because she thinks that the doctor is going to make her stay there for longer than just two weeks. Honestly, unless they get her on the right meds or some kind of miracle happens I, too, think she is going to be there for a while.