Blogging this semester wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. At first I wasn't really looking forward to it. Once I understood and decided my topic; it got easier. I got the hang of it fairly quickly and my topic really didn't need a lot of research since it was me writing about my personal experiences. I did, though, have a little trouble with writer's block but I eventually bounced back.
The research I did do was very interesting because not only did it help with my grade but I really did learn a lot from them that helped me get a better picture of what my grandparents are going through. If I hadn't written this blog I wonder if I would have gotten as involved as I am now in asking questions and looking for answers about these mental conditions. Writing this blog made me want to keep getting updated on my grandparents and to know more about what my aunts and uncles wanted to do to help them. It helped me decide what I think could help and I even got to suggest some to my parents. I could tell that they were appreciative that I had in some way helped my dad by listening to his worries and using facts to settle his mind. In a way, writing and explaining my family's situation in this blog has even helped me on a whole new level of dealing with the fact that my grandparents are getting worse. They're becoming weaker and growing more ill and they may not have much time left. By writing it out and showing people, it's made it alot easier to talk about.
In my search to find other blogs like mine with a first person view on taking care of sick family members, I came up short which was a little dissapointing. I thought there would be tons of different people out there with stories to tell that could be similar to mine. Instead, there were just a lot of "How To's" and advice on what someone could do but none of them sounded like they had experienced anything like this firsthand. I know there are plenty of people and families out there who are affected by diseases like dementia, conditions like depression, and just simply by old age or a combination of the three. I really hope my blog shows people that they are not alone. That every family that goes up against something like this has problems, disagreements, and moments of pure uncertainty. But the main message to remember is that these situations also bring them closer together. Because of this, my family gets together more often, we all talk to each other more and for the most part everyone puts forth a big effort for my grandparents for that very reason: time.
The doctors came to a final diagnosis of my grandmother's condition. They say she has Vascular Dementia. There are websites on the causes, signs, symptoms and even treatment. Now that we at last know what we're up against, my family can now just put together a plan of action and hopefully my grandma will be home soon. I don't know what will happen next for sure but I'm still hoping for the best.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
On Easter Sunday, one of the family's close friends rented a big van for everyone to go up and visit my grandma for the day. I didn't go because I had to pick up my brother and mom from BWI Airport (they were coming home from my mom's parents' house in Michigan). But I don't think any of my other cousins went either. They also didn't take my grandpa because my grandma has been getting angry at him whenever he visits. So one of his friends from church took him out to visit my grandpa's brother and to see some of his family, which is something he's really been wanting to do for a while now. So it sounded like he had a good Easter.
While my grandpa was out with his friend, my dad, Tommy (the family friend), my uncles and my aunts all went up to visit my grandma in Baltimore. My Dad said once my grandma saw them all she started shaking from the shock of then being there and didn't look so good. But after she rested a bit and the nurses calmed her down she was at least a little happy to see them. She was in a lot of pain, my family was told, I'm guessing due to her arthritis. I thought it was a really nice thing for them to do as siblings (and friends). Maybe by all of them being there and everyone saying how much they love her and miss her and by showering her with hugs and kisses, it might improve her attitude towards the family. But as optimistic as I want to be through this process, I've learned that this sickness has made my grandma incredibly unpredictable so one can only hope.
While my grandpa was out with his friend, my dad, Tommy (the family friend), my uncles and my aunts all went up to visit my grandma in Baltimore. My Dad said once my grandma saw them all she started shaking from the shock of then being there and didn't look so good. But after she rested a bit and the nurses calmed her down she was at least a little happy to see them. She was in a lot of pain, my family was told, I'm guessing due to her arthritis. I thought it was a really nice thing for them to do as siblings (and friends). Maybe by all of them being there and everyone saying how much they love her and miss her and by showering her with hugs and kisses, it might improve her attitude towards the family. But as optimistic as I want to be through this process, I've learned that this sickness has made my grandma incredibly unpredictable so one can only hope.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
This past Saturday, I went with my Dad to visit my grandmother at the psych ward in Baltimore. I have to say i've never been to a place like that and I was actually pretty nervous. I don't like seeing the people who live in places like psych wards or nursing homes.
One reason being that I hate the smells. Between the weird food smells and the smell of sick people, I always want to hold my breath while being in those kinds of places. Secondly, because I just hate seeing older people who aren't able to do anything and seem like they're suffering. For example, the people who can't talk, eat or walk and all they do is sleep and drool. It makes me really uncomfortable to see someone so weak and heavily medicated. All I can think about is the fact that that person is someone's parent, sibling, cousin or best friend and the thought of any of my family or friends in that condition would crush me so I imagine how hard it is for others.
The first thing I noticed about this part of the hospital in Baltimore was that it was SO nice! The lunch rooms, hallways, lobbies and patient rooms were very clean, and had such comfortable furniture to sit on. The colors they used were bright and there was art made by patients and dontated to the hospital by other people hanging on all the walls or sitting in window stills along the hallways. But then again the only psych wards i've seen are the dirty ones portrayed in movies. Though it is good to know they aren't like that (or at least the one my grandma isn't like that)!
Seeing my grandma though was a different story. She looks weaker than ever now. She's lost alot of weight and her hair is becoming more gray and brittle. The second she saw us, she started crying which made my Dad really upset too. Throughout our visit she would randomly just start sobbing so I had to keep talking about random things like my brother and school and work to get her to stop. She even started to mention my grandpa and his women at one point. Some of the strange things the other patients were doing distracted her also.
We were out in the lobby of the wing she was in, when another patient, a tired looking woman in a wheelchair, reached out and grabbed my Dad's pants and said," What size do you wear?". He turned around real fast to look and when she realized she did not know my Dad, she was like,"Sorry I thought you were my husband standing right next to me." She kept mumbling things to herself afterwards, too. Another man kept lifting up his hospital gown but thankfully he had shorts on under it. A shorter woman got out of her seat and started to try to throw her chair and then tried to stand on it but the nurses made her stop. There was another older man who had his hands bandaged (i'm guessing so he wouldn't scratch himself) and his legs were extremely skinny.
I'm really glad I went to see my grandma and even though we were really only there for an hour (you can't stay long or else she starts getting really irritable) and even though she spent most of the time being upset, I know she was glad to see me and my Dad. And even though there really were some odd people there, it made me feel better that I got to see her too. The reason why she was so upset was because she thinks that the doctor is going to make her stay there for longer than just two weeks. Honestly, unless they get her on the right meds or some kind of miracle happens I, too, think she is going to be there for a while.
One reason being that I hate the smells. Between the weird food smells and the smell of sick people, I always want to hold my breath while being in those kinds of places. Secondly, because I just hate seeing older people who aren't able to do anything and seem like they're suffering. For example, the people who can't talk, eat or walk and all they do is sleep and drool. It makes me really uncomfortable to see someone so weak and heavily medicated. All I can think about is the fact that that person is someone's parent, sibling, cousin or best friend and the thought of any of my family or friends in that condition would crush me so I imagine how hard it is for others.
The first thing I noticed about this part of the hospital in Baltimore was that it was SO nice! The lunch rooms, hallways, lobbies and patient rooms were very clean, and had such comfortable furniture to sit on. The colors they used were bright and there was art made by patients and dontated to the hospital by other people hanging on all the walls or sitting in window stills along the hallways. But then again the only psych wards i've seen are the dirty ones portrayed in movies. Though it is good to know they aren't like that (or at least the one my grandma isn't like that)!
Seeing my grandma though was a different story. She looks weaker than ever now. She's lost alot of weight and her hair is becoming more gray and brittle. The second she saw us, she started crying which made my Dad really upset too. Throughout our visit she would randomly just start sobbing so I had to keep talking about random things like my brother and school and work to get her to stop. She even started to mention my grandpa and his women at one point. Some of the strange things the other patients were doing distracted her also.
We were out in the lobby of the wing she was in, when another patient, a tired looking woman in a wheelchair, reached out and grabbed my Dad's pants and said," What size do you wear?". He turned around real fast to look and when she realized she did not know my Dad, she was like,"Sorry I thought you were my husband standing right next to me." She kept mumbling things to herself afterwards, too. Another man kept lifting up his hospital gown but thankfully he had shorts on under it. A shorter woman got out of her seat and started to try to throw her chair and then tried to stand on it but the nurses made her stop. There was another older man who had his hands bandaged (i'm guessing so he wouldn't scratch himself) and his legs were extremely skinny.
I'm really glad I went to see my grandma and even though we were really only there for an hour (you can't stay long or else she starts getting really irritable) and even though she spent most of the time being upset, I know she was glad to see me and my Dad. And even though there really were some odd people there, it made me feel better that I got to see her too. The reason why she was so upset was because she thinks that the doctor is going to make her stay there for longer than just two weeks. Honestly, unless they get her on the right meds or some kind of miracle happens I, too, think she is going to be there for a while.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
A lot has happened recently with my grandma. She had stopped eating, drinking, and taking her medicines. She refused to bathe and clean herself up. My grandma had officially begun to give up trying to live. Because of this, my aunts, uncles, and parents had to step in and do something.
Everytime my family has tried to call 911 to take my grandma to a hospital, she refuses to go and unless you are gushing blood and on the verdge of death, the emt's won't take you if you don't want to go. With my family at our wit's end, my aunt decided to go and get a court order to force my grandmother to go to the hospital so she could get help. The judge granted her the order and my grandma had no choice; she had to leave the house. After checking her in and getting her settled in the room, my grandmother was in tears. She claimed that her kid's didn't love her anymore and said she was so angry that she didn't wish to speak to any of them. My Dad and my aunts were crushed because of this. They've done all of this out of pure unconditional love for their mother and she sees the complete opposite. My grandma even lied and told the nurses that her children abused her so social services had to step in and talk to my aunts who explained that she stopped eating and everything so my family was cleared.
After about a week my grandma still refuses to talk to my aunts and my Uncle Terry but apparently she's okay with my Dad and my Uncle T.C. now. When my Dad was on the phone with her, she was telling him that nobody loves her and that she's most likely dying of a broken heart because of my grandpa and his "girls." He repeatedly tells her that he loves her but it's gotten so bad to the point where she pretty much doesn't beleive anything you say to her.
The hospital's psychiatrist started doing some evaluations and says that my grandma is having not only severe delusions, but also hallucinations. He suspects her of having psychosis. According to PubMed Health, Psychosis is a loss of contact with reality, usually including false beliefs about what is taking place and who one is, while also seeing or hearing things that aren't there. But to be absolutely sure, the hospital psychiatrist recommended that she go to a psych ward in Baltimore to run more tests. The nurses there say she settled in fine and was doing okay so far; so fits or episodes...yet.
I have to admit I really didn't see this coming or seeing her illness become so serious. It's literally been like two months and that's all it took for her to go so downhill in her health. It's one thing to be sick and have arthritis or something but her sickness is in her brain and that's the worst part. Because how do you fix something like psychosis? It completely disrupts and alters a person's lifestyle by limiting so much and in an addition to her depression, it's really not looking so good. As much as I don't want my grandma to die, I can't help but think it's right around the corner.
References:
"Psychosis," PubMed Health, A.D.A.M Inc: 2012. < http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002520/>
Everytime my family has tried to call 911 to take my grandma to a hospital, she refuses to go and unless you are gushing blood and on the verdge of death, the emt's won't take you if you don't want to go. With my family at our wit's end, my aunt decided to go and get a court order to force my grandmother to go to the hospital so she could get help. The judge granted her the order and my grandma had no choice; she had to leave the house. After checking her in and getting her settled in the room, my grandmother was in tears. She claimed that her kid's didn't love her anymore and said she was so angry that she didn't wish to speak to any of them. My Dad and my aunts were crushed because of this. They've done all of this out of pure unconditional love for their mother and she sees the complete opposite. My grandma even lied and told the nurses that her children abused her so social services had to step in and talk to my aunts who explained that she stopped eating and everything so my family was cleared.
After about a week my grandma still refuses to talk to my aunts and my Uncle Terry but apparently she's okay with my Dad and my Uncle T.C. now. When my Dad was on the phone with her, she was telling him that nobody loves her and that she's most likely dying of a broken heart because of my grandpa and his "girls." He repeatedly tells her that he loves her but it's gotten so bad to the point where she pretty much doesn't beleive anything you say to her.
The hospital's psychiatrist started doing some evaluations and says that my grandma is having not only severe delusions, but also hallucinations. He suspects her of having psychosis. According to PubMed Health, Psychosis is a loss of contact with reality, usually including false beliefs about what is taking place and who one is, while also seeing or hearing things that aren't there. But to be absolutely sure, the hospital psychiatrist recommended that she go to a psych ward in Baltimore to run more tests. The nurses there say she settled in fine and was doing okay so far; so fits or episodes...yet.
I have to admit I really didn't see this coming or seeing her illness become so serious. It's literally been like two months and that's all it took for her to go so downhill in her health. It's one thing to be sick and have arthritis or something but her sickness is in her brain and that's the worst part. Because how do you fix something like psychosis? It completely disrupts and alters a person's lifestyle by limiting so much and in an addition to her depression, it's really not looking so good. As much as I don't want my grandma to die, I can't help but think it's right around the corner.
References:
"Psychosis," PubMed Health, A.D.A.M Inc: 2012. < http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002520/>
Monday, March 26, 2012
In the search for another source to use for my anaylsis paper, I came across the Emedicine health page on Stroke-Related Dementia that helps make the connections between strokes and the likeliness of developing dementia. I originally searched this site weeks ago because I was curious if it were possible that my grandmother's severe delusions could be linked to stroke-related dementia. Turns, out that it's not only possible, but 9 times more likely because of her stroke and it normally shows up within a year post-stroke.
This website made it a little clearer that because a stroke is so violent on the brain, there are a lot of negative symptoms that can arise because of the damage. This source can add on to and help give my paper more facts to support my idea's on what could have resulted from my grandma's stroke.
References:
This website made it a little clearer that because a stroke is so violent on the brain, there are a lot of negative symptoms that can arise because of the damage. This source can add on to and help give my paper more facts to support my idea's on what could have resulted from my grandma's stroke.
References:
"Stroke-Related Dementia," EMedicine Health. Web MD, Inc: 2012.<http://www.emedicinehealth.com/stroke-related_dementia/article_em.htm>
Monday, March 19, 2012
My Aunt Lorri's weekend was this past one and she claimed it'd be too much to take care of her parents with my Grandma's episodes, so she made a call to get some help. Bee, the night nurse that quit (because my grandma tried to hit her a few times and accused her of sleeping with my grandpa), came back last weekend to care for my Grandparents. And an even bigger suprise: my grandmother was thrilled to see her.
The whole weekend, Bee had no problem with her. My grandma talked to her and was polite and everything. She ate her meals (she's been alot eating less) and took her medicine (she's also been protesting). I don't know if Bee is coming back for good, or what but it's kind of nice to hear something somewhat positive, even if it is just for a weekend.
With all the bad things going on with my grandma, it almost seems like my grandpa has been getting better in comparison. He really does remember alot when you speak to him. He can recall stories from a young age, stories about his mom and brothers, about his children and so much more. He just forgets small details like age, names sometimes slip, and if he's somewhere new, he asks if you know the way home. But the other things he does like miss the toilet and become weaker and things like that are mostly just the toll of old age.
Maybe it's just because my grandma has been spiraling so hard,that makes him seem fine; but as weird as it sounds, it's a little comforting to know he's been okay and doing well. It sucks enough to have to see and hear a grandparent become really sick like my grandma has and I know no matter how angry she gets at random, she's glad he's there. Through her struggles, he's become stronger. During her fits and rages, he's calm and composed. And while she's in tears he's the first one there trying to comfort her. At night when she goes to sleep, he turns on a night light so she can see while going to the bathroom and is always asking everyone around if she's okay.
I'm thankful that my grandpa is holding it together for everyone, by being as healthy as he can be and even throwing in some humor while he's at it. It's a bit of a stress reliever that for now, we just have to focus on one grandparent and if we can get her to cooperate, then we'll be closer to helping them find stability and happiness again.
The whole weekend, Bee had no problem with her. My grandma talked to her and was polite and everything. She ate her meals (she's been alot eating less) and took her medicine (she's also been protesting). I don't know if Bee is coming back for good, or what but it's kind of nice to hear something somewhat positive, even if it is just for a weekend.
With all the bad things going on with my grandma, it almost seems like my grandpa has been getting better in comparison. He really does remember alot when you speak to him. He can recall stories from a young age, stories about his mom and brothers, about his children and so much more. He just forgets small details like age, names sometimes slip, and if he's somewhere new, he asks if you know the way home. But the other things he does like miss the toilet and become weaker and things like that are mostly just the toll of old age.
Maybe it's just because my grandma has been spiraling so hard,that makes him seem fine; but as weird as it sounds, it's a little comforting to know he's been okay and doing well. It sucks enough to have to see and hear a grandparent become really sick like my grandma has and I know no matter how angry she gets at random, she's glad he's there. Through her struggles, he's become stronger. During her fits and rages, he's calm and composed. And while she's in tears he's the first one there trying to comfort her. At night when she goes to sleep, he turns on a night light so she can see while going to the bathroom and is always asking everyone around if she's okay.
I'm thankful that my grandpa is holding it together for everyone, by being as healthy as he can be and even throwing in some humor while he's at it. It's a bit of a stress reliever that for now, we just have to focus on one grandparent and if we can get her to cooperate, then we'll be closer to helping them find stability and happiness again.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
This past week was my family's turn to care for my grandparents. My grandma has been on what seems as if a downward spiral with her accusations of my grandpa's "affairs." For some reason she just won't let it go. It's almost like an obsession to her.
To me, it's been seeming a lot like she may have Dementia like my grandpa but maybe more severe since she's been extremely delusional. While my mom was there last weekend, it was only her and my grandparents in the house but my grandpa was in his room mumbling to himself and my grandma started freaking out saying, "who's in the room with Freddie? Who's he talking to? Is it those girls again?" My mom just reminded her that they were the only ones in the house and she dropped it...for a little while. My grandparents can't be left in the same room for long periods of time now since all my grandmother does is hurl rude and hurtful words and names towards my grandfather.
The insults also go to others and not just my grandpa. She's yelled and insulted other people in my family also. She even got after my brother for trying to help her when she fell in the bathroom on Saturday. He went to help get her up and she told him "No I don't want your help. You don't know what your doing. Don't touch me" and things like that. And it really did hurt his feelings too.
Clearly because she is still on the whole "cheating husband" thing, it's been causing me to do more research on strokes and the effects on the brain. I know strokes can effect the left side of the body and cause paralysis on one side of the body but what else could strokes do to the human brain?
During my search I found some things on EMedicine Health about Stroke Related Dementia. Depending on which parts of the brain that is damaged, determines exactly what symptoms that will occur. Paralysis, loss of bowel control, along with cognitive mental functions, judgement, memory, thinking, organization, and reasoning are all on the symptoms list (Stroke Related Dementia). The statistics even state that a stroke survivor is about nine times more likely to develop dementia then non stroke havers. Also, that about one in four people start to show dementia symptoms within one year of the stroke.
With just this little bit of information it can help answer my question about the likeliness of my grandmother's delusions being formed from the stroke and also even being signs of a more severe form of dementia than what my grandpa has. Her stroke could've damaged the part of the brain that does the reasoning, hard thinking and judgement explaining her sudden irrational paranoia of my grandfather's faithfulness. Maybe if my family got more into researching her symptoms we could come to a conclusion and even have some evidence to show the doctors so they can help with her problems. They don't see it because whenever she goes into the doctors office she's pretty much on her best behavior so they don't see or hear the nasty things she says or thinks that is going on in her house.
I'm just really ready to get down to the bottom of it once and for all. I know my grandma and she's not this cruel person that either the stroke, meds, or depression has turned her into. She's always been one of the sweetest people i've ever known and to see her either angry, mean, or in tears is just not okay with me. I just feel like right now no one knows what to do. We're all just standing around hoping Grandma will come back to us. The real her. I just really hope it's not too late and that somehow, someway, we can get her back.
References:
"Stroke-Related Dementia," EMedicine Health. Web MD,Inc: 2012.<http://www.emedicinehealth.com/stroke-related_dementia/article_em.htm>
Monday, February 27, 2012
I really don't know what to talk about this week. Nothing too big has really happend and for now, it seems as if everyone's getting along. There hasn't been any big fights and my parents, aunts, and uncles have been working together; as it should be. Even though it won't make a super interesting post, I am really glad to say that for now, everything is calm.
But ofcourse there is always something to mention. As you all know, my grandmother has been creating problems with one of the in-home nurses that help take care of her and my grandpa. The former day nurse that my grandma targeted isn't there anymore since last week was her final one and they have someone new working in her place now. When my grandma found out that she had quit, her response was one that I find a little...nuts I guess you could say.
She told my aunts, sounding a little remorseful, "Aww, she's gone? But we were just starting to get along."
But ofcourse there is always something to mention. As you all know, my grandmother has been creating problems with one of the in-home nurses that help take care of her and my grandpa. The former day nurse that my grandma targeted isn't there anymore since last week was her final one and they have someone new working in her place now. When my grandma found out that she had quit, her response was one that I find a little...nuts I guess you could say.
She told my aunts, sounding a little remorseful, "Aww, she's gone? But we were just starting to get along."
Monday, February 20, 2012
Alot of my recent posts have been about stress and a little on the sad side so I thought I'd lighten it up with one of my grandpa's amusing acts this past week.
Last week while the nurses were at my grandparents house, they got a good chuckle out of my grandpa's actions. Some time during the day, he dissapeared. The nurses were looking for him all over the house and went outside and started calling his name. He occasionally wanders and we worry that he'll get lost and forget where he is or get too tired to return. But as they looked outside for my grandpa, they see him coming out of the woods back towards the house.
Relieved and confused they ask, "Freddie where did you go?!"
His response was, "The toilet wasn't working, and I had to take a crap."
Last week while the nurses were at my grandparents house, they got a good chuckle out of my grandpa's actions. Some time during the day, he dissapeared. The nurses were looking for him all over the house and went outside and started calling his name. He occasionally wanders and we worry that he'll get lost and forget where he is or get too tired to return. But as they looked outside for my grandpa, they see him coming out of the woods back towards the house.
Relieved and confused they ask, "Freddie where did you go?!"
His response was, "The toilet wasn't working, and I had to take a crap."
Alot of talk has been going around in my family about possibly putting my grandparents in a home since the arrangements and the nurse situations have been getting more and more difficult.
My grandma is still completely convinced that my grandpa is having an affair with the nurses. So much so, that she's started to sleep in their bed again (which could set off her peircing back pain) with him to I guess,"catch him in the act". Everyone in the family has told her that it's ridiculous because literally my grandpa can barely get his shoes on... how in the world could he even begin to do the dirty?! It's nauseating to thing about. And finally the day nurse confronted my grandma because she had had enough of her under-breath accusations and hit attemps (now at two or three, I think) by telling her "I don't sleep with marrried men." Hopefully that got through my grandma's thick skull.
This week is the day nurses last week working at my grandparents house and in the rush of trying to find another nurse to fill in, thoughts of putting both of my grandparents in a nursing home together as become more prevalent since now we kind of know what we're dealing with. It's just two main things that are really making everyone think twice.
One being that since my grandpa was in the Army, he's got the military discounts and to keep him at the place my aunts looked at, it'd be about $140 a month but in order to keep my grandma there, it'd be $4,000 a month. I thought the benefits would help her too being they've been married for over fifty years, but unfortunately, I suppose that's not the case. Reason two is that if we put them in a home, my grandmother's depression could spiral out of hand. She already thinks no one cares about her when everyone's around all the time; so if she were taken from her house and put in a home, I think she'd really feel the abandonment that she already claims to feel.
My grandma is still completely convinced that my grandpa is having an affair with the nurses. So much so, that she's started to sleep in their bed again (which could set off her peircing back pain) with him to I guess,"catch him in the act". Everyone in the family has told her that it's ridiculous because literally my grandpa can barely get his shoes on... how in the world could he even begin to do the dirty?! It's nauseating to thing about. And finally the day nurse confronted my grandma because she had had enough of her under-breath accusations and hit attemps (now at two or three, I think) by telling her "I don't sleep with marrried men." Hopefully that got through my grandma's thick skull.
This week is the day nurses last week working at my grandparents house and in the rush of trying to find another nurse to fill in, thoughts of putting both of my grandparents in a nursing home together as become more prevalent since now we kind of know what we're dealing with. It's just two main things that are really making everyone think twice.
One being that since my grandpa was in the Army, he's got the military discounts and to keep him at the place my aunts looked at, it'd be about $140 a month but in order to keep my grandma there, it'd be $4,000 a month. I thought the benefits would help her too being they've been married for over fifty years, but unfortunately, I suppose that's not the case. Reason two is that if we put them in a home, my grandmother's depression could spiral out of hand. She already thinks no one cares about her when everyone's around all the time; so if she were taken from her house and put in a home, I think she'd really feel the abandonment that she already claims to feel.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Two sources that I am considering using for my anaysis paper are information articles called "Depression- Alzheimer's Society" and another one called "Older People and Mental Health." They are hyperlinked to each site. I chose these two because they both go into detail about Depression and Dementia and the connections between the two which are the two mental issues that my grandparents now live with and suffer from. These two sources have tons of information and I learned a lot from each of them that I can relate to my real life situations. I've been telling my parents what I've read in these factsheets and it's really been helping us understand what my grandparents are going through and why they are doing the things they do now.
All my aunts, uncles, and both my parents are very stressed and worried while having to care for my grandparents. All of the awaiting doctors' results and planning weekends leaves everyone feeling on edge most of the time. It's a lot easier for them to get mad at one another over who does what around the house. My aunts even bicker back and forth over who does more and petty things like that when this is the time where everyone needs to cooperate.
Sometimes it just seems as if my aunts and uncles treat my grandparents as a burden but we all, except my Uncle T.C. (who lives in Florida), don't live too far away from them. My Aunt Nikki refused to do a weekend the whole month of January because of the "bad weather" and the drive is "too long". She lives in Baltimore about an hour away from my grandparents; exactly the same amount of time it takes my family to get there and yet, we haven't missed a weekend. My Aunts Lorri and Eunice complain because they "do too much" and need "breaks". It makes me so angry because these are their PARENTS. Who have birthed, fed, supported, housed, cared for and more. They did this twenty four-seven for their kids' entire lives but all the sudden when they become ill and need their children for weekends, it's too hard, too much work and everyone suddenly needs a break. I understand life gets in the way but again, this is their parents and I just feel like it is nothing but whining and fighting.
I might be biased because they are my parents, but I really feel as if they put in a lot of the effort to pick up the slack. This is my Dad's family but he works on weekend nights and visits almost every day during the week. My Mom is the one who goes on our family's behalf for the weekend turns. This isn't even her blood family and she's never been close with my aunts or my grandparents but she still goes on weekends by herself to take care of them. My Mom will bake for my grandparents and spend time with them on weekends that aren't even hers just to help out since my Dad is having a rough time with the fact that he can't be there when he needs to be. She does so much for everyone and sometimes it seems like my aunts don't appreciate it. They just expected her to go on weekends by herself from the get go.
Whenever we have important events going on, because life does get in the way, my family will just trade weekends. My Mom asked for two weekends in June to have switched with someone because one is my brother's high school graduation, and the other is her grandpa's funeral. She's asked in advance when the new schedule came out about a month ago for those weekends to be traded and my aunts' responses were questioning why her grandpa's funeral was in the summer even though he died in October and followed by: "We don't know what we're doing those weekends yet so we can't commit." Keep in mind my Mom has even taken ( yes, taken and not switched) a weekend for my Aunt Lorri because she was "overwhelmed" and surprise! no one else stepped up to help.
It really just bothers me how my aunt's always demand respect, all the while half the things they do and say are just flat out stupid.
Sometimes it just seems as if my aunts and uncles treat my grandparents as a burden but we all, except my Uncle T.C. (who lives in Florida), don't live too far away from them. My Aunt Nikki refused to do a weekend the whole month of January because of the "bad weather" and the drive is "too long". She lives in Baltimore about an hour away from my grandparents; exactly the same amount of time it takes my family to get there and yet, we haven't missed a weekend. My Aunts Lorri and Eunice complain because they "do too much" and need "breaks". It makes me so angry because these are their PARENTS. Who have birthed, fed, supported, housed, cared for and more. They did this twenty four-seven for their kids' entire lives but all the sudden when they become ill and need their children for weekends, it's too hard, too much work and everyone suddenly needs a break. I understand life gets in the way but again, this is their parents and I just feel like it is nothing but whining and fighting.
I might be biased because they are my parents, but I really feel as if they put in a lot of the effort to pick up the slack. This is my Dad's family but he works on weekend nights and visits almost every day during the week. My Mom is the one who goes on our family's behalf for the weekend turns. This isn't even her blood family and she's never been close with my aunts or my grandparents but she still goes on weekends by herself to take care of them. My Mom will bake for my grandparents and spend time with them on weekends that aren't even hers just to help out since my Dad is having a rough time with the fact that he can't be there when he needs to be. She does so much for everyone and sometimes it seems like my aunts don't appreciate it. They just expected her to go on weekends by herself from the get go.
Whenever we have important events going on, because life does get in the way, my family will just trade weekends. My Mom asked for two weekends in June to have switched with someone because one is my brother's high school graduation, and the other is her grandpa's funeral. She's asked in advance when the new schedule came out about a month ago for those weekends to be traded and my aunts' responses were questioning why her grandpa's funeral was in the summer even though he died in October and followed by: "We don't know what we're doing those weekends yet so we can't commit." Keep in mind my Mom has even taken ( yes, taken and not switched) a weekend for my Aunt Lorri because she was "overwhelmed" and surprise! no one else stepped up to help.
It really just bothers me how my aunt's always demand respect, all the while half the things they do and say are just flat out stupid.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Lately, my grandma hasn't been doing as great. She was diagnosed with Depression about a year ago and it hasnt been easy for her especially since now that she's struggling with not being as heathly as she once was and her depression has been getting worse. She says things like no one cares about her, and that she wishes she would've just died when she had the stroke. It's painful to hear her talk about those things because she has a bunch of people that really do care and go above and beyond to make sure she would survive.
Last week she had a doctor's appointment with the Neurologist. She freaked out when she found out that she had to go to see him because my grandpa also sees the same doctor and she didn't want to go see the 'crazy doctor'. Once someone finally explained that a neurologist is a brain doctor and both strokes and demetia happen in the brain and that's why she has to see him, she calmed down. I think she's been really stressed out these past few weeks because for a while, she thought she really did have dementia. She was reading a list of symptoms and realized that she has alot of them in common.
My mom and I did some reaserch and came across a few articles about Dementia and Depression having many similarities. So instead of it being early signs of dementia, it could really just be her depression becoming more severe. My grandma is also on a lot of differnt medications that could be contributing to her forgetfulness and her paranoia.
The thing that makes us all unsure that it's only depression alone is that she's been accusing my grandpa of having an affair with the night nurse. We've all tried to tell her that it's not true at all but she still for some reason thinks the young, late-twenties nurse is interested in her over eighty, pees himself husband.
That night nuse put in her two weeks about a week ago because my grandma tried to hit her. Everone's been on edge and extremely stressed because of all the things my grandma has been doing and saying lately. The Neurologists' assesment of the appiontment was that she's still sharp and can recall things when asked. He said that it could possibly be early signs of dementia but gave her Zoloft for now. Hopefully that'll help and my aunt's are supposed to talk to the family doctor about decreasing some of the clshing medications she's been on.
Last week she had a doctor's appointment with the Neurologist. She freaked out when she found out that she had to go to see him because my grandpa also sees the same doctor and she didn't want to go see the 'crazy doctor'. Once someone finally explained that a neurologist is a brain doctor and both strokes and demetia happen in the brain and that's why she has to see him, she calmed down. I think she's been really stressed out these past few weeks because for a while, she thought she really did have dementia. She was reading a list of symptoms and realized that she has alot of them in common.
My mom and I did some reaserch and came across a few articles about Dementia and Depression having many similarities. So instead of it being early signs of dementia, it could really just be her depression becoming more severe. My grandma is also on a lot of differnt medications that could be contributing to her forgetfulness and her paranoia.
The thing that makes us all unsure that it's only depression alone is that she's been accusing my grandpa of having an affair with the night nurse. We've all tried to tell her that it's not true at all but she still for some reason thinks the young, late-twenties nurse is interested in her over eighty, pees himself husband.
That night nuse put in her two weeks about a week ago because my grandma tried to hit her. Everone's been on edge and extremely stressed because of all the things my grandma has been doing and saying lately. The Neurologists' assesment of the appiontment was that she's still sharp and can recall things when asked. He said that it could possibly be early signs of dementia but gave her Zoloft for now. Hopefully that'll help and my aunt's are supposed to talk to the family doctor about decreasing some of the clshing medications she's been on.
Taking care of both my grandparents is a very hard task. They have two professional nurses during the week: a night nurse and a day nurse. During the weekends we as a family have a rotation system that happens between the six families. The day nurse leaves at seven so to take over for her, you have to be there at or before seven. My Mom has been the one going to care for my grandparents on our family's behalf. They are actually my Dad's parents but he works nights on the weekends, so she and sometimes either my brother or I go with her to help because it really us a lot of work.
What she does is, go to Maryland where my grandparents live right when she gets out of work at four and gets the grocery list that is made throught the week. So before the nurse leaves, my Mom will go to the store and get all the groceries needed. After the day nurse leaves, my Mom makes dinner for them and makes sure they take their medicines. After dinner she's then to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. My grandparents go to sleep fairly early but my Mom sleeps out on the couch so she can hear them if they wake up and need help.
Saturdays normally go as follows:
What she does is, go to Maryland where my grandparents live right when she gets out of work at four and gets the grocery list that is made throught the week. So before the nurse leaves, my Mom will go to the store and get all the groceries needed. After the day nurse leaves, my Mom makes dinner for them and makes sure they take their medicines. After dinner she's then to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. My grandparents go to sleep fairly early but my Mom sleeps out on the couch so she can hear them if they wake up and need help.
Saturdays normally go as follows:
- When my grandpa wakes up in the morning to go to the bathroom, Get my grandpa's dirty clothes from the day before out of his bedroom (sometimes he pees himself so you have to get his clothes before he tries to put them back on. And whenever he goes to the bathroom you have to wipe down the floor because sometimes he misses)
- Help my grandma get up and give her her walker
- Get my grandma dressed; my grandpa dresses himself
- Give them their morning pills
- Make breakfast
- Eat
- Clean up after breakfast
- Start laundry
- My mom usually starts a project or activity like cleaning out their drawers or cabinets, looking for things my grandpa loses, dusting, or looking in photo albums with my grandma. Things to keep them busy
- Make lunch
- Clean up after lunch and my grandparents usually nap after
- More laundry
- My mom will try to take a short nap or read a book and relax for a bit
- Then dinner time, pills, and clean and the nighttime routine goes on.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Both of my grandparents have spent their lives as hardworking parents, spouses, and employees. Because of this, they are used to doing things on their own and don't really like it that nowadays they are extremely limited to what they are able to do by themselves. It upsets them greatly that they now have to depend on not only family but professional nurses; people they've never met before. "Receiving long-term care for the first time, or receiving it from a new person,
may change important relationships and cause emotional distress." (Older People and Mental Health)
My Grandma loves to cook and bake but she can't stand up for very long periods of time without being in pain. The housework would be too strenuous for her too. Her arthritis bothers her hands sometimes also, so there isn't much she can do that won't result in an achy feeling. My grandma isn't supposed to walk without her walker (even though she does it anyways) for the fear that she could fall again. Last time she fell really hard and left her arms and face badly bruised. It was then that it really hit home that she has to depend on the walker to get around.
She can no longer drive herself to church or the grocery store and sometimes she even needs help getting dressed and showered. Even though there are ways to maybe help her be more active and help do things in the kitchen, I think just the fact that someone else has to help her with the errands or do them for her, really takes a toll.
My Grandpa is more stubborn with having to give up the things he can't do anymore. But that's mostly just because he doesn't remember the doctor telling him what he is not able to do anymore. My grandpa's role has always been the protector of his family and his household; so when it came to having to remove his hunting rifles from his house, it was a huge shock for him. At the time, he was furious that they were gone but nowadays, he doesn't say much about them. Of course, my grandfather isn't allowed to drive either. There's more of a risk that he will drive off somewhere and all the sudden forget where he is and not remember how to get home because of the dementia. He's always walking around the house asking where his keys are. He searches is all the drawers and underneath everything and any kind of key he finds, he takes outside to try to get the cars to start. He has to be reminded to change his clothes and even to take showers.
I know they love having family around and all but I know they miss being able to to their normal routines. Both of them getting to this point health-wise, at the same time is really hard for them to cope with. Everything changed for my grandparents really quickly and even though it's tough to have to give up their freedom and independence, I know their both trying their best to do with what they have.
References
"Older People and Mental Heath," Mind: For Better Mental Heath: 2012 Mind.<http://www.mind.org.uk/help/people_groups_and_communities/older
_people_and_mental_health#carereceivers>.
My Grandma loves to cook and bake but she can't stand up for very long periods of time without being in pain. The housework would be too strenuous for her too. Her arthritis bothers her hands sometimes also, so there isn't much she can do that won't result in an achy feeling. My grandma isn't supposed to walk without her walker (even though she does it anyways) for the fear that she could fall again. Last time she fell really hard and left her arms and face badly bruised. It was then that it really hit home that she has to depend on the walker to get around.
She can no longer drive herself to church or the grocery store and sometimes she even needs help getting dressed and showered. Even though there are ways to maybe help her be more active and help do things in the kitchen, I think just the fact that someone else has to help her with the errands or do them for her, really takes a toll.
My Grandpa is more stubborn with having to give up the things he can't do anymore. But that's mostly just because he doesn't remember the doctor telling him what he is not able to do anymore. My grandpa's role has always been the protector of his family and his household; so when it came to having to remove his hunting rifles from his house, it was a huge shock for him. At the time, he was furious that they were gone but nowadays, he doesn't say much about them. Of course, my grandfather isn't allowed to drive either. There's more of a risk that he will drive off somewhere and all the sudden forget where he is and not remember how to get home because of the dementia. He's always walking around the house asking where his keys are. He searches is all the drawers and underneath everything and any kind of key he finds, he takes outside to try to get the cars to start. He has to be reminded to change his clothes and even to take showers.
I know they love having family around and all but I know they miss being able to to their normal routines. Both of them getting to this point health-wise, at the same time is really hard for them to cope with. Everything changed for my grandparents really quickly and even though it's tough to have to give up their freedom and independence, I know their both trying their best to do with what they have.
References
"Older People and Mental Heath," Mind: For Better Mental Heath: 2012 Mind.<http://www.mind.org.uk/help/people_groups_and_communities/older
_people_and_mental_health#carereceivers>.
Monday, January 23, 2012
My Grandpa has what's called Dementia. Dementia is a condition that gradually affects all functions of the brain starting with memory. Here's a link to PubMed Health explaining it with better detail. My Grandpa's memory has been getting worse. He doesn't remember my name anymore, along with the names of my cousins and the spouses of his children. Every once in a while he even forgets who his kids are. He doesn't even remember that he has Dementia but sometimes I think that's a good thing.
My Grandpa's personality is kind of like the old man in the Tyler Perry movies, if that makes sense. He's always mubling curse words under his breath and joking and teasing everyone. And I think that's what makes things he says or does somewhat humorous. One question that he always asks about every hour or so is "How old are you anyways?" Sometimes we just say random ages to see his reaction. Every time we leave his house he says the same thing: "I know your a damn speed demon so be careful out on 210. Last weekend the policeman gave out over two hundred tickets!" One time, my mom made him brownies and one of my brother's friends took one and ate it and my grandpa threatened to "tie him up, throw him in a trash bag and put it out in the river." Ofcourse he was joking, we think. Haha. Whenever he sees my youngest cousin who is four, he'll poke her and say "You little devil!" And she just giggles.
Of all the things he forgets, the one person he remembers is my grandma. One day back when my grandma was still recovering from her stroke, we were talking and he asked, "So, do you know my wife?" I told him I did. He responded with, "Yeah, she's out at the hospital still. Did you know she's eighty-one? We're both getting old. But I tell you, I went and saw her yesterday and she looked just as beautiful as the first day I met her." And they say kids say the darndest things.
My Grandpa's personality is kind of like the old man in the Tyler Perry movies, if that makes sense. He's always mubling curse words under his breath and joking and teasing everyone. And I think that's what makes things he says or does somewhat humorous. One question that he always asks about every hour or so is "How old are you anyways?" Sometimes we just say random ages to see his reaction. Every time we leave his house he says the same thing: "I know your a damn speed demon so be careful out on 210. Last weekend the policeman gave out over two hundred tickets!" One time, my mom made him brownies and one of my brother's friends took one and ate it and my grandpa threatened to "tie him up, throw him in a trash bag and put it out in the river." Ofcourse he was joking, we think. Haha. Whenever he sees my youngest cousin who is four, he'll poke her and say "You little devil!" And she just giggles.
Of all the things he forgets, the one person he remembers is my grandma. One day back when my grandma was still recovering from her stroke, we were talking and he asked, "So, do you know my wife?" I told him I did. He responded with, "Yeah, she's out at the hospital still. Did you know she's eighty-one? We're both getting old. But I tell you, I went and saw her yesterday and she looked just as beautiful as the first day I met her." And they say kids say the darndest things.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My topic for this blog is about my personal experiences with the struggles within my family to care for my grandparents who are both unable to be home alone anymore. My Grandpa has Dementia and my Grandmother had a stroke last year and was finally released from a nursing home/ rehabilitation center about three months ago. They have a day and a night nurse during the week and my family rotates taking care of them on the weekends. I have six Uncles and Aunts and one of the close family friends helps within the weekend rotations. As organized as all that sounds, it quickly gets messy and stressful for everyone involved since caring for people is tough work but between doctors appointments and making meals we're all just trying to keep it together as best as we can.
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